This week after what seemed like a never ending stalemate with the scale the middle number on my weight changed. And by changed I mean went down. I have seen it go up a multitude of times over my life but this time it went down.
I was extremely happy to see it go down because last week in spite of all my efforts to be careful about what I was eating, increasing my exercise and staying focused there was no movement.
I don't know what it is about my impatience with this process but it is at times all consuming and overwhelming. I have worked to lose weight before and I have ignored my weight gains and losses too. It's like because I made this big physical and financial commitment it can't happen fast enough to keep me satisfied. In regular dieting I always had this "I need to diet until" mentality. Like until these pants fit or until my weight is down 20lbs or until I reach a certain middle number on the scale. But this time it's forever, there will be no going back the change is physical and permanent, so once the weight is gone it's gone. And I WANT it gone now....
Monday, February 11, 2013
Monday, February 4, 2013
Ode To Diet Coke
When I was young my mom bought me Tab
and I thought the pink can was fab.
It wasn't any fun to be the chubby girl is school,
and drinking diet drinks were considered uncool.
Then Diet Coke arrived on the scene
it came with a great marketing scheme.
Skinny people were drinking it
and famous people were slurping it
I was hooked on this bubbly drink and so it seems was everyone
It went well with pizza and I rarely had only one.
Then I started drinking it with breakfast
while others drank coffee to get the morning started fast.
Five or six a day of these silver cans with diet Coke in red
One even next to my head, when I went to bed
In November I decided to change everything forever
I would have weight loss surgery on this I wouldn't waiver.
Now all my eating has changed as my stomach is small
It holds hardly anything at all
But this biggest change, the hardest one
Is that diet Coke and I are done.
and I thought the pink can was fab.
It wasn't any fun to be the chubby girl is school,
and drinking diet drinks were considered uncool.
Then Diet Coke arrived on the scene
it came with a great marketing scheme.
Skinny people were drinking it
and famous people were slurping it
I was hooked on this bubbly drink and so it seems was everyone
It went well with pizza and I rarely had only one.
Then I started drinking it with breakfast
while others drank coffee to get the morning started fast.
Five or six a day of these silver cans with diet Coke in red
One even next to my head, when I went to bed
In November I decided to change everything forever
I would have weight loss surgery on this I wouldn't waiver.
Now all my eating has changed as my stomach is small
It holds hardly anything at all
But this biggest change, the hardest one
Is that diet Coke and I are done.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Am I shrinking before your eyes?
I am quite aware of how many pounds the scale says I have lost since I had my weight loss surgery in December. I am also quite aware of what my highs and lows have been in my weight over my adult life. What is interesting to me is other people's perspective of my weight loss since they became aware I have had surgery.
I have heard the following comments in the last week.
" I can't believe how skinny you are getting"
" you must have lost 50lbs by now"
" your shrinking before our eyes"
" I bet you feel so much better now that your thinner"
I smile and say Thank You. If the conversation persists I tell people I am focusing on my health goals, which is true. But I think it's an interesting thing that people believe they are seeing these dramatic changes, that are not there, just based on the knowledge I have had this surgery.
The reality is, my blood pressure, blood sugars related to my pre surgery diabetes and my standing heart rate are all improved without the assistance of medications I took pre-surgery. My BMI is now .4 away from moving me out of the "morbidly obese" category and into the "obese category"
But all that said, I haven't lost as many pounds as I would have liked by now, I haven't even lost the amount my Surgeon and nutritionist expected I would in the first month. This has been frustrating to me and challenged my belief in my own ability to be successful in this process. I have said to myself, how can I have taken this most extreme step to address my weight issues, and still not succeed.
In the end I know in a logical way that this is a process, that everybody has their own path and mine is in front of me and I will walk it with the challenges that it presents me. Success is attainable and only I can define success for me.
I have heard the following comments in the last week.
" I can't believe how skinny you are getting"
" you must have lost 50lbs by now"
" your shrinking before our eyes"
" I bet you feel so much better now that your thinner"
I smile and say Thank You. If the conversation persists I tell people I am focusing on my health goals, which is true. But I think it's an interesting thing that people believe they are seeing these dramatic changes, that are not there, just based on the knowledge I have had this surgery.
The reality is, my blood pressure, blood sugars related to my pre surgery diabetes and my standing heart rate are all improved without the assistance of medications I took pre-surgery. My BMI is now .4 away from moving me out of the "morbidly obese" category and into the "obese category"
But all that said, I haven't lost as many pounds as I would have liked by now, I haven't even lost the amount my Surgeon and nutritionist expected I would in the first month. This has been frustrating to me and challenged my belief in my own ability to be successful in this process. I have said to myself, how can I have taken this most extreme step to address my weight issues, and still not succeed.
In the end I know in a logical way that this is a process, that everybody has their own path and mine is in front of me and I will walk it with the challenges that it presents me. Success is attainable and only I can define success for me.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
1 in 6 Americans Struggle with Hunger
I saw a billboard in my drive to work that said "1 in 6 Americans struggle with hunger", this sign gave me pause. What does that mean? Is that true? I would argue that nearly every American struggles with hunger.
I know that the sign is trying to call attention to people who's unfortunate circumstances have caused them to have little or no food; and that being truly hungry due to lack of access to food is an appalling and fixable problem in this country. I have participated in multiple activities throughout my life to assist with this issue, donating to food banks, a day of fasting in college to donate the funds the dining hall would have spent that day, collecting can goods with my Girl Scouts door to door, donating canned food at poker tournaments in exchange for extra starting chips, ect. But what occurred to me as I thought about that sign :
"What about the other struggle with hunger"
I come from a family of over weight people, almost without exception every member of my immediate and extended family has struggled with being over weight. This is also a struggle with hunger, this can also result in critical health issues, self esteem issues, social issues. I believe that the issue of lack of access to food is actually an easier issue to fix in our country.
We are a country with a food network, celebrity chefs, eating contests, a diet industry that is a billion dollar business, tail gating and free samples begging us to buy more food. Most of us don't know what hungry feels like, we know how to eat on a schedule, we know how to snack at a party, we know how to eat when we feel bad or are celebrating something. We have break up ice cream eating, unlimited buffets, clean your plate rules, and bragging rights for eating the largest hamburger.
After my surgery I am struggling with hunger. I am not sure when I should eat, I keep trying to ignore the feeling in my stomach when it is empty. I tell myself, you just ate two hours ago you can't be hungry. However, when I saw the Doc for my 1 month check in he said I'm not eating enough. No one had ever said that to me before in my life. He explained that I am eating too few calories to lose weight; I was putting my body into starvation mode. He said don't ignore your body give it high protein nutritional food when it asks for it, stay hydrated and the weight will go away. Seems simple enough....struggling with hunger.....a universal American issue.
I know that the sign is trying to call attention to people who's unfortunate circumstances have caused them to have little or no food; and that being truly hungry due to lack of access to food is an appalling and fixable problem in this country. I have participated in multiple activities throughout my life to assist with this issue, donating to food banks, a day of fasting in college to donate the funds the dining hall would have spent that day, collecting can goods with my Girl Scouts door to door, donating canned food at poker tournaments in exchange for extra starting chips, ect. But what occurred to me as I thought about that sign :
"What about the other struggle with hunger"
I come from a family of over weight people, almost without exception every member of my immediate and extended family has struggled with being over weight. This is also a struggle with hunger, this can also result in critical health issues, self esteem issues, social issues. I believe that the issue of lack of access to food is actually an easier issue to fix in our country.
We are a country with a food network, celebrity chefs, eating contests, a diet industry that is a billion dollar business, tail gating and free samples begging us to buy more food. Most of us don't know what hungry feels like, we know how to eat on a schedule, we know how to snack at a party, we know how to eat when we feel bad or are celebrating something. We have break up ice cream eating, unlimited buffets, clean your plate rules, and bragging rights for eating the largest hamburger.
After my surgery I am struggling with hunger. I am not sure when I should eat, I keep trying to ignore the feeling in my stomach when it is empty. I tell myself, you just ate two hours ago you can't be hungry. However, when I saw the Doc for my 1 month check in he said I'm not eating enough. No one had ever said that to me before in my life. He explained that I am eating too few calories to lose weight; I was putting my body into starvation mode. He said don't ignore your body give it high protein nutritional food when it asks for it, stay hydrated and the weight will go away. Seems simple enough....struggling with hunger.....a universal American issue.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Why do I bottom out before making money in Poker Tournaments
I have probably played in close to a 1000 poker tournaments. The number one goal is to "take it down" which means to win first place. The number two goal is to "make it to the money" which means be one of the people who gets payed for placing in the top 10% of the people who played the tournament. Tournament poker tables have 10 players per table so if you are playing in a 5 table tournament and all the tables are full generally 5 people will "make the money". The third goal is to walk away no matter what feeling like you played your best poker.
I believe I have a pretty solid poker game, I understand the mechanics of good hands and bad, I am pretty good at predicting what my opponents might do, I know the value of different betting strategies and I have a decent table image. Yet I am often frustrated by what feels like my frequent inability to make it past the top 20% in a tournament.
In poker tournaments everyone starts out with the same number of chips and then the game continues until one person has all the chips. I almost always outlast more than half the people who start the tournament. However, there is something that happens to me when it gets down to the last 20-30% of players. I haven't been able to figure it out and this has led many evenings of frustration as I leave the poker room.
I have tried to examine my game for a couple of obvious problems. The first, is that I may get too conservative trying to "save" my chips by not playing hands because I become worried I will lose and get knocked out before the money. I try to be very conscious of this behavior but suspect I am guilty of this flaw. The second thing is that to balance this out I might tend to take too many risks thinking that I need to make some chips so I can survive to the end of the tournament. In these situations if you don't get lucky you go home.
I suspect that the answer to my dilemma is somewhere in between. For non- poker readers thanks for giving this a read, for poker readers I would love some feedback on this topic.
I believe I have a pretty solid poker game, I understand the mechanics of good hands and bad, I am pretty good at predicting what my opponents might do, I know the value of different betting strategies and I have a decent table image. Yet I am often frustrated by what feels like my frequent inability to make it past the top 20% in a tournament.
In poker tournaments everyone starts out with the same number of chips and then the game continues until one person has all the chips. I almost always outlast more than half the people who start the tournament. However, there is something that happens to me when it gets down to the last 20-30% of players. I haven't been able to figure it out and this has led many evenings of frustration as I leave the poker room.
I have tried to examine my game for a couple of obvious problems. The first, is that I may get too conservative trying to "save" my chips by not playing hands because I become worried I will lose and get knocked out before the money. I try to be very conscious of this behavior but suspect I am guilty of this flaw. The second thing is that to balance this out I might tend to take too many risks thinking that I need to make some chips so I can survive to the end of the tournament. In these situations if you don't get lucky you go home.
I suspect that the answer to my dilemma is somewhere in between. For non- poker readers thanks for giving this a read, for poker readers I would love some feedback on this topic.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Waiting for someone else to be hungry, the trap
I am now entering my 4th week since my weight loss surgery. I have gotten into a pretty good rhythm of eating protein rich foods, portion sizes are starting to make sense to me and I am constantly packing water with me everywhere, staying hydrated.
This weekend my husband and I went away for a couple days and stayed in a hotel. I was also playing a poker tournament while we were there. The tournament was expected to last about 9 hours. That is 3 mini meals, I would need to eat during the tournament. I packed in my purse ziplock baggies filled with turkey peperoni and string cheese. I also put in the hotel room refrigerator a protein shake.
I cruised along and did just fine. On the 1/2 dinner break my husband ordered a hamburger and onion rings and a side of pot stickers. I ate the inside out of a couple of potsickers (I don't eat the noodle part, takes up too much stuff in my tiny stomach and no nutritional value) a bite of his hamburger (no bun) and an onion ring.
I had one more of my pepperoni and cheese snacks around 8pm and that was the last time I ate that night. In the morning I woke up at my normal 6:30. I knew I needed to eat but wanted to go to breakfast with my husband, rather than drink a protein shake. When he woke up an hour later I asked if he was ready to go to breakfast he said yes, we got dressed and packed up the room to head home. As we were leaving he said he wasn't really hungry because of the large dinner he had the night before and was just going to grab coffee.
This is where I hit a problem spot. I had now not eaten in nearly 12 hours, I was feeling crabby and now disappointed that we were not going to have breakfast together. It wasn't his fault, there is no reason for him to eat when he is not hungry, but I had waited too long to eat now and had no food plan. I ended up drinking a protein shake and feeling pouty. The lesson I am trying to learn from this is that my eating cannot be depend on when someone else needs or wants to eat. I have to eat on schedule and I have to be prepared in all occasions to take care of myself.
My darling husband caught the brunt of my frustration, low mood from lack of food and anger at feeling out of control in the situation. Poor guy almost agreed to eat breakfast just so I wouldn't be upset...that's not an ok solution.
Would love to hear from readers of this blog if they have thoughts about this.
This weekend my husband and I went away for a couple days and stayed in a hotel. I was also playing a poker tournament while we were there. The tournament was expected to last about 9 hours. That is 3 mini meals, I would need to eat during the tournament. I packed in my purse ziplock baggies filled with turkey peperoni and string cheese. I also put in the hotel room refrigerator a protein shake.
I cruised along and did just fine. On the 1/2 dinner break my husband ordered a hamburger and onion rings and a side of pot stickers. I ate the inside out of a couple of potsickers (I don't eat the noodle part, takes up too much stuff in my tiny stomach and no nutritional value) a bite of his hamburger (no bun) and an onion ring.
I had one more of my pepperoni and cheese snacks around 8pm and that was the last time I ate that night. In the morning I woke up at my normal 6:30. I knew I needed to eat but wanted to go to breakfast with my husband, rather than drink a protein shake. When he woke up an hour later I asked if he was ready to go to breakfast he said yes, we got dressed and packed up the room to head home. As we were leaving he said he wasn't really hungry because of the large dinner he had the night before and was just going to grab coffee.
This is where I hit a problem spot. I had now not eaten in nearly 12 hours, I was feeling crabby and now disappointed that we were not going to have breakfast together. It wasn't his fault, there is no reason for him to eat when he is not hungry, but I had waited too long to eat now and had no food plan. I ended up drinking a protein shake and feeling pouty. The lesson I am trying to learn from this is that my eating cannot be depend on when someone else needs or wants to eat. I have to eat on schedule and I have to be prepared in all occasions to take care of myself.
My darling husband caught the brunt of my frustration, low mood from lack of food and anger at feeling out of control in the situation. Poor guy almost agreed to eat breakfast just so I wouldn't be upset...that's not an ok solution.
Would love to hear from readers of this blog if they have thoughts about this.
Friday, January 11, 2013
I am eating how many calories???
Tuesday was the end of my third week since my gastric sleeve weight loss surgery. I started thinking that day, "I wonder how many calories I am eating a day?". Being a experienced dieter I was used to this being a constant question when every I was on one of the various diets though out my life. After surgery the nutritionist and Dr. did not talk to me about calories. They said Drink 60- 80 ounces of fluids and make sure you get 60 grams of Protein in you day. So that is what I have been doing.
This is alone is a harder task than it might seem because I can only consume in either food or liquid 2 to 3 ounces at a time. It is also important that I not drink liquid 30 minutes pre and post eating solid food. In a 10-14 hour day this alone is quiet a challenge. My day kind of looks like, eat wait 30 minutes drink, wait an hour, eat, and repeat until bed time.
Back to my original question just how many calories am I consuming. I decided to start tracking what I ate using a smart phone application called "Lose It". I had used this App before when trying to lose weight and was familiar with it. The basic idea is you put in your current weight and your weight loss goal and then it gives you a calorie budget that is supposed to help you reach that goal. I have been tracking for 3 days now and I was shocked at the results. . See below the screen shots of my last three days. Keep in mind the original calorie budgets it shows are the ones set for someone my size trying to lose weight.
I knew I was eating less since my surgery but the amount less was nothing short of shocking to me
This is alone is a harder task than it might seem because I can only consume in either food or liquid 2 to 3 ounces at a time. It is also important that I not drink liquid 30 minutes pre and post eating solid food. In a 10-14 hour day this alone is quiet a challenge. My day kind of looks like, eat wait 30 minutes drink, wait an hour, eat, and repeat until bed time.
Back to my original question just how many calories am I consuming. I decided to start tracking what I ate using a smart phone application called "Lose It". I had used this App before when trying to lose weight and was familiar with it. The basic idea is you put in your current weight and your weight loss goal and then it gives you a calorie budget that is supposed to help you reach that goal. I have been tracking for 3 days now and I was shocked at the results. . See below the screen shots of my last three days. Keep in mind the original calorie budgets it shows are the ones set for someone my size trying to lose weight.
I knew I was eating less since my surgery but the amount less was nothing short of shocking to me
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