Am I shrinking before your eyes?

I am quite aware of how many pounds the scale says I have lost since I had my weight loss surgery in December. I am also quite aware of what my highs and lows have been in my weight over my adult life. What is interesting to me is other people's perspective of my weight loss since they became aware I have had surgery.

I have heard the following comments in the last week.
" I can't believe how skinny you are getting"
" you must have lost 50lbs by now"
" your shrinking before our eyes"
" I bet you feel so much better now that your thinner"

I smile and say Thank You. If the conversation persists I tell people I am focusing on my health goals, which is true. But I think it's an interesting thing that people believe they are seeing these dramatic changes, that are not there, just based on the knowledge I have had this surgery.

The reality is, my blood pressure, blood sugars related to my pre surgery diabetes and my standing heart rate are all improved without the assistance of medications I took pre-surgery. My BMI is now .4 away from moving me out of the "morbidly obese" category and into the "obese category"

But all that said, I haven't lost as many pounds as I would have liked by now, I haven't even lost the amount my Surgeon and nutritionist expected I would in the first month. This has been frustrating to me and challenged my belief in my own ability to be successful in this process. I have said to myself, how can I have taken this most extreme step to address my weight issues, and still not succeed.

In the end I know in a logical way that this is a process, that everybody has their own path and mine is in front of me and I will walk it with the challenges that it presents me. Success is attainable and only I can define success for me.

1 in 6 Americans Struggle with Hunger

I saw a billboard in my drive to work that said "1 in 6 Americans struggle with hunger", this sign gave me pause. What does that mean? Is that true? I would argue that nearly every American struggles with hunger.

I know that the sign is trying to call attention to people who's unfortunate circumstances have caused them to have little or no food; and that being truly hungry due to lack of access to food is an appalling and fixable problem in this country. I have participated in multiple activities throughout my life to assist with this issue, donating to food banks, a day of fasting in college to donate the funds the dining hall would have spent that day, collecting can goods with my Girl Scouts door to door, donating canned food at poker tournaments in exchange for extra starting chips, ect. But what occurred to me as I thought about that sign :

"What about the other struggle with hunger"

I come from a family of over weight people, almost without exception every member of my immediate and extended family has struggled with being over weight. This is also a struggle with hunger, this can also result in critical health issues, self esteem issues, social issues. I believe that the issue of lack of access to food is actually an easier issue to fix in our country.

We are a country with a food network, celebrity chefs, eating contests, a diet industry that is a billion dollar business, tail gating and free samples begging us to buy more food. Most of us don't know what hungry feels like, we know how to eat on a schedule, we know how to snack at a party, we know how to eat when we feel bad or are celebrating something. We have break up ice cream eating, unlimited buffets, clean your plate rules, and bragging rights for eating the largest hamburger.

After my surgery I am struggling with hunger. I am not sure when I should eat, I keep trying to ignore the feeling in my stomach when it is empty. I tell myself, you just ate two hours ago you can't be hungry. However, when I saw the Doc for my 1 month check in he said I'm not eating enough. No one had ever said that to me before in my life. He explained that I am eating too few calories to lose weight; I was putting my body into starvation mode. He said don't ignore your body give it high protein nutritional food when it asks for it, stay hydrated and the weight will go away. Seems simple enough....struggling with hunger.....a universal American issue.

Why do I bottom out before making money in Poker Tournaments

I have probably played in close to a 1000 poker tournaments.  The number one goal is to "take it down" which means to win first place.  The number two goal is to "make it to the money" which means be one of the people who gets payed for placing in the top 10% of the people who played the tournament.  Tournament poker tables have 10 players per table so if you are playing in a 5 table tournament and all the tables are full generally 5 people will "make the money".  The third goal is to walk away no matter what feeling like you played your best poker.

I believe I have a pretty solid poker game, I understand the mechanics of good hands and bad, I am pretty good at predicting what my opponents might do, I know the value of different betting strategies and I have a decent table image.  Yet I am often frustrated by what feels like my frequent inability to make it past the top 20% in a tournament.

In poker tournaments everyone starts out with the same number of chips and then the game continues until one person has all the chips.  I almost always outlast more than half the people who start the tournament.  However, there is something that happens to me when it gets down to the last 20-30% of players.  I haven't been able to figure it out and this has led many evenings of frustration as I leave the poker room.

I have tried to examine my game for a couple of obvious problems.  The first,  is that I may get too conservative trying to "save" my chips by not playing hands because I become worried I will lose and get knocked out before the money.  I try to be very conscious of this behavior but suspect I am guilty of this flaw.  The second thing is that to balance this out I might tend to take too many risks thinking that I need to make some chips so I can survive to the end of the tournament.  In these situations if you don't get lucky you go home.

I suspect that the answer to my dilemma is somewhere in between. For non- poker readers thanks for giving this a read, for poker readers I would love some feedback on this topic. 

Waiting for someone else to be hungry, the trap

I am now entering my 4th week since my weight loss surgery.  I have gotten into a pretty good rhythm of eating protein rich foods, portion sizes are starting to make sense to me and I am constantly packing water with me everywhere, staying hydrated. 

This weekend my husband and I went away for a couple days and stayed in a hotel.  I was also playing a poker tournament while we were there.  The tournament was expected to last about 9 hours.  That is 3 mini meals,  I would need to eat during the tournament.  I packed in my purse ziplock baggies filled with turkey peperoni and string cheese.  I also put in the hotel room refrigerator a protein shake.

I cruised along and did just fine.  On the 1/2 dinner break my husband ordered a hamburger and onion rings and a side of pot stickers.  I ate the inside out of a couple of potsickers (I don't eat the noodle part, takes up too much stuff in my tiny stomach and no nutritional value) a bite of his hamburger (no bun) and an onion ring.

I had one more of my pepperoni and cheese snacks around 8pm and that was the last time I ate that night. In the morning I woke up at my normal 6:30.  I knew I needed to eat but wanted to go to breakfast with my husband, rather than drink a protein shake. When he woke up an hour later I asked if he was ready to go to breakfast he said yes, we got dressed and packed up the room to head home. As we were leaving he said he wasn't really  hungry because of the large dinner he had the night before and was just going to grab coffee. 

This is where I hit a problem spot.  I had now not eaten in nearly 12 hours, I was feeling crabby and now disappointed that we were not going to have breakfast together.  It wasn't his fault, there is no reason for him to eat when he is not hungry, but I had waited too long to eat now and had no food plan.  I ended up drinking a protein shake and feeling pouty.  The lesson I am trying to learn from this is that my eating cannot be depend on when someone else needs or wants to eat.  I have to eat on schedule and I have to be prepared in all occasions to take care of myself.

My darling husband caught the brunt of my frustration, low mood from lack of food and anger at feeling out of control in the situation.  Poor guy almost agreed to eat breakfast just so I wouldn't be upset...that's not an ok solution. 

Would love to hear from readers of this blog if they have thoughts about this.

I am eating how many calories???

Tuesday was the end of my third week since my gastric sleeve weight loss surgery.  I started thinking that day, "I wonder how many calories I am eating a day?".  Being a experienced dieter I was used to this being a constant question when every I was on one of the various diets though out my life.  After surgery the nutritionist and Dr. did not talk to me about calories.  They said Drink 60- 80 ounces of fluids and make sure you get 60 grams of Protein in you day.  So that is what I have been doing.

This is alone is a harder task than it might seem because I can only consume in either food or liquid 2 to 3 ounces at a time.  It is also important that I not drink liquid 30 minutes pre and post eating solid food.  In a 10-14 hour day this alone is quiet a challenge. My day kind of looks like, eat wait 30 minutes drink, wait an hour, eat, and repeat until bed time.

Back to my original question just how many calories am I consuming.  I decided to start tracking what I ate using a smart phone application called "Lose It".  I had used this App before when trying to lose weight and was familiar with it.  The basic idea is you put in your current weight and your weight loss goal and then it gives you a calorie budget that is supposed to help you reach that goal.  I have been tracking for 3 days now and I was shocked at the results.  .  See below the screen shots of my last three days.  Keep in mind the original calorie budgets it shows are the ones set for someone my size trying to lose weight.

I knew I was eating less since my surgery but the amount less was nothing short of shocking to me

Hey Mr. Richie Rich

One thing that can help you when you are playing Texas Hold’em or really any poker game is to pay attention to the way that people play their hands.  We all have a personality at the poker table and learning someone’s poker persona can help you to know when to call, raise or fold.  I found that making up nick names for people in my head helped me to remember what others tendencies.  Here are some examples and how I might play against them.

Sneaky Squeaky – Someone who plays conservative cards usually only playing the best starting hands for example is considered a “tight” player. Sometimes you run into someone who talks and acts like they are a “loose player” someone who plays a lot of high risk hands, but if you watch their actual play you will see they are really “tight” So I call this person a Sneaky Squeaky in my head to remind myself they are likely playing only the best cards and to not listen to what they say.

Damsel in Distress  – I use this term for someone who claims to not be a skilled player and yet somehow manages to win a lot of hands and stack a lot of chips.  Another thing this type does is play into the sympathy’s of other players.  This person on closer inspection usually has a decent handle on the game and is using this helplessness routine to distract others from their actual play.  Even if this person really is “in distress” my goal is still to win every hand so I have to keep my sympathies in check with this kind of person. Just so you know, I use this one for men and women….

Mr. Richie Rich – There are a certain set of players who play like they have unlimited money to lose, even when playing tournaments where everyone starts with the same amount of chips.   They raise all the time, call every bet and throw chips in the pot even when they have a losing hand.  This might result in me being able to make a lot of money off them, but there is often a problem.  The problem is that sometimes they get lucky and make the best poker hands when they should have folded.  Because they play all their hands with the same over betting,  raising ect it is difficult to predict what hands they are playing.  Personally I just try to stay out of hands with this type of person, unless I have an excellent hand I am likely to fold my hand rather than risk a lot of chips in a hand with someone playing recklessly.  

Surgery to 5K

About a year and half ago I read an article about a workout program that helped people who were non-athletes train to run a 5K race (just over 3 miles).  It’s starts with walking for 30 minutes a day, three times a week.  Then each week you add running/jogging to the 30 minutes and decrease the walking time.  The plan I was working on started with 60 second intervals of jogging 3 times in the 30 minutes and then went up from there gradually over several weeks.  I did get so I was doing what my sister calls “Wogging” a fairly slow jog that to some might appear as walking.  In October 2011,  I completed my first official 5K race in just less than 50 minutes.  Over the next few months I completed 2 more in about the same finish time. 

While I was training I was posting my struggles and success in this endeavor on facebook.  Many people stated they were encouraged by me, proud of me, jealous of me.  Some asked me how I stayed motivated.  In the end my answer was that I had always that I had assumed I would quit before I actually accomplished completing a 5K.  In the end I stopped running.  When I look at why I stopped, it wasn’t that it got too hard or that I didn’t like it anymore, it was that I was frustrated at not being able to better my time, I was feeling trapped by my body and its inability to progress to what I considered an acceptable 5K time. 

Fast forward to today, I am a few weeks post weight loss surgery and in my mind I want to start running again, I want to become a true runner, not the fat girl wogging down the street that people think “wow good for you fat girl”.  I just want to be seen as a runner, not the fastest but not the last one to cross the finish and not the one who everyone screams you can do it…because they are afraid you’ll quit.

I am not allowed to do strenuous activity for 60 days post surgery and a week ago I decided to see if I could walk a mile.  I did it but it took every bit of energy I could muster.  This was a little disappointing for me because pre-surgery I could walk 2 miles fairly easily. The logical, educated part of my brain knows that I had surgery, that my body is adjusting to the significant change in the food volume I am eating, that I am losing weight rapidly and this changes my stamina.  The driven, goal focused part of my brain however is frustrated….

So stay tuned I hope in February to start training again and by spring to have a 5 K lined up to run.  I’ll let you know how it goes…this will happen folks…you can count on it. 

Variety not Volume

I have the most amazingly wonderful husband.  He has been supportive and helpful through my whole process of deciding to have weight loss surgery. He had helped me through the complicated and long pre-op process, through surgery and recovery.  I couldn't ask for more.

The one area of concern he has consistently had is, how we will  function as a couple socially.  Like most people many of our social interactions and activities include food.  I kept telling him it would be fine, I would just eat less and our eating out bills would go down.  I teased him about how I was going to eat a quarter of everything he ordered saving him the calories.  I told him there is always an appetizer or soup that I can order and eat.  Yet still his concern continued he couldn't get a picture of it in his head.

About a week prior to my surgery date we had gone to a hotel for the weekend, our stay included a breakfast buffet.  I had made my plate and sat down and started eating.  When my husband arrived he had a big smile on his face and he said "I got it, I finally figured it out."  After your surgery food will become a challenge of "Variety not Volume".  He said he had been behind a small older woman at the buffet she had a plate with many small amounts of various foods on her plate.  When he looked at her plate he realized that is how I would be eating in the future.

I think he is correct and "variety not volume" has become my theme in my head since then.

As a side note, I don't think that this is a bad theme for many things in life.  I can think of a whole list of things that don't improve with having more of them and things that I would like to have a little of more frequently.

Have a good Sunday everyone.  And because I am a sports minded woman from the Northwest I must say "GO HAWKS" 

Is Queen Ten (my favorite hand) the best in poker? Nope

I play Texas Hold'em Tournaments as much as I can, which usually averages out to 2-3 times a week.  In this game you are dealt two cards.  These are your "starting hand".  You will be using these two cards plus eventually 5 cards that are dealt into the middle of the table to make your 5 card hand. Queen Ten is my favorite hand.

The statistically best starting hand is two Aces.  These are the top 10 starting hands. As you can see Queen 10 is not on this list.


So why is Queen Ten my favorite hand and not Aces?  Aces are great and every time I get them I am excited to see them and like my chances to win.  But the truth is there is not a lot of poker skill in playing Aces and unless many people stay in the hand with you and they DON'T make a better hand like a straight or flush using the cards on the board it's hard to make a lot of money with Ace's.  Generally you raise with them and everyone folds so you don't make much or you raise and then one or two people call your raise hoping to beat you with the cards on the board.  For example:

You have A of Spades and Ace of Diamonds. Someone has a 10 and Jack of Hearts they decide to call your raise. If three heart cards end up  on the community board, you lose they have a flush and you do not.

Also it's hard to make a straight with two Ace's because you need four cards on the board to help you:
King, Queen, Jack, 10.  This the only straight you can make.  So any other combination of cards that can make a straight potentially help your opponents more than they help you.

All that being said, almost all poker players have a starting hand that they favor or have a sentimental attachment to.  Mine happens to be the Queen 10 especially when they're the same suit. One of the reasons I like this hand is that if someone makes a large raise before it's my turn or re-raises me after I have bet when I have Queen 10 it is an easy hand for me to fold.  I know it's not a top ten hand and based on the raise I am guessing the other person does have a top ten hand.  Second there are lot of hands that can be made with Queen 10 in combination with the community board that can and usually win.
These include:

Pair of Queens
Pair of 10s
Several Straights (A,K,Q,J,10 or K,Q,J,10,9 or Q,J,10,9,8 or J,10,9,8,7 or 10,9,8,7,6)
And if the Queen and Ten are the same suit and you have a better possiblity of making a flush than anyone who has a pair as their starting hand.

I like this hand so much I even have it on my license plate!  So if you see an Audi TT with this license plate, wave and say HI!

First non-eating mistake

Well I suppose it was bound to happen and today it did.  Today I forgot to eat. This has never once in my entire life happened to me. I could not even have imagined this being possible 4 weeks ago, even though the literature I read about my weight loss surgery told me this would happen it just didn't seem like that could possibly apply to me, a regular and persistent eater.

So hear is how it happened.  I had to be at work extra early for a breakfast meeting, which meant leaving my house before 6am.   I made a 8 oz protein smoothy to drink on the road to work ( a one hour communte) Then at the breakfast I had a couple tablespoons of scrambled eggs and half a sausage link.  Next I  went to my office where I had an extra busy day with back to back meetings and time commitments until 3:30, then I drove home.  I was feeling tired and fatigued and thinking it was too early in the day for me to be so tired.  I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things and when I got out of the car I was very light headed.  Then I realized I had not even opened my lunch bag today.  That I had eaten nothing since 8am. When I went in the store, I found some string cheese and ate it then went on about my grocery shopping.  This took away the light headed feeling and filled me up for the time being and I was able to get home. 

This was a big wake up call for me, I had read about people who set a reminder in their cell phone to eat regularly I couldn't imagine this would happen to me.

Happy Friday everyone.

Why Yes is the right answer at the Poker Table

A common thing that happens at a poker table is a guessing game related to what cards your opponents are holding.  This often happens when someone is trying to decide if they should call your bet or after you have thrown your hand out,  when you win a big pot of money or when everyone folds after you raise or bet, among other times.  The person usually says things like "did you make your straight?", "did you have a big pair?", " did you have my pair of Queens beat?" and other various guesses. 

My stratagy is to always answer these questions with one simple word, YES.

Here is the thing, it doesn't matter what you had, once the hand is over.  It only matters what your opponent thought you had.  Once they start guessing it's usually true that what they really want to know is whether they made the right decision to throw their hand away.  They want validation that they made the right decision. By saying "yes" to what ever they guess, you accomplish several things.

1.  You give them a false sense of security that they have a "read" on you.
2.  People often when guessing what hands someone has guess those they are most afraid of in the situation.  So now you likely know what hands they were afraid you had and therefore you have some clues about what they may have held in their own hand. 
3. Yes seems like a cooperative and friendly response.  I have found that this stratagy can at times result in some players randomly chatting me up thoughtout the game about what they had and how they choose hands to keep or play.  This is very valuable infomation that helps me make decisions about what hands to play against them. 
4. You always want your opponents to think that you are betting or raising with the best possible hand, by confirming their guesses you plant the seed that you had the best hand. 

So there you go, my strategy of "yes" at the poke table.

Finding dinner at Costco

Last night I decided to stop on my way home from work and play a poker tournament.  It was also my first day back to work since my weight loss surgery.  I packed lunch and snacks for the day but had not prepared to be away from home for dinner.  This creates two problems, my stomach only holds 3-5 tablespoons of food, making most purchased meals way to large and then my energy lags quickly if I don't have a regular infusion of protein rich foods.

I decided to go into a nearby Costco and buy a case of protein drinks. I was thinking I could have one now and keep the case in the car for such occasions.

Went I got inside I had arrived at prime sample time at Costco and it occurred to me that I could likely get my entire 3-5 tablespoons of food just wandering about the aisles.  Here is what I found that became my dinner. 

About 1 Tablespoon of Applesauce
About 2 Tablespoons of  Tomato Soup
1/4 slice of colby cheese
1/2 slice of salami
1 Tablespoon of Fire roasted Tomato Hummas

Mission accomplished dinner eaten.  Thank you Costco!  

Don't F**k with the Poker Dealers or New Poker Players

This is my number one rule in the poker room. Sure, there are all kinds of quirky etiquette and form rules to playing poker but this rule is more important to me than any other.

First, don't pick on, ridicule, criticize or otherwise make uncomfortable anyone who is new to playing poker in a public setting (not at the dining room table). There are good reasons for this part of my rule, basic respect and politeness and that's good enough for most of us. There are others though, who consider their perceived poker playing superiority an excuse for this type of bad behavior I have this to say, "This is just bad poker". If a player is new and nervous they probably are going to make mistakes and if you are a good player you should be smiling as you collect their chips. I've also found that the nicer and more helpful I am to a new player, the more likely they are to tell me their thinking about their cards. This gives me a great advantage in playing against them, again more profit for me. Most importantly, those of us who play regularly NEED more people to play and preferably people who are not as good or skilled as we are, so we want them to come back...until of course they start out playing us!

Second part of the rule is about how you treat the dealers. They are at work, they are simply turning over cards and facilitating the game. They are NOT there to be your friend, help you win, or be your personal punching bag. Would you blame the teller at the bank if you ran out of money? Would you blame the grocery cashier because you forgot to buy milk? I bet not, so be polite, be respectful. Pay attention to your cards and fellow players, this will be of much more benefit to you than being an A$$ to the Dealers. Last, tip if you are winning. It's rude boorish behavior to pile up your winnings and not tip the dealers. I have seen players give a $2 tip to the cocktail server who brought them a $5 drink and then win $300 in a tournament and walk away without tipping the dealers..uncool.

Happy New Year everyone.